Three Big things
To begin properly, let me say this: if you take nothing else from this site, take the idea that the most important thing you can do for you, your Little One, and the rest of us, is to help him develop self-discipline. Self-discipline and love are the two essential items: sprinkle those with firm benchmarks of passion, the result is the undeniable position of a winner. Everything else, success and the ability to fully share the joys of life, will follow as a matter of course.
I’m sorry, I want to pause here briefly because I think I would be remiss if I didn’t identify (or maybe define) the three items I note above. I detail Love later, but let’s tackle the other two right now: I just want to be sure there is no misunderstanding. Keep in mind that nature has provided living creatures with the intense desire to seek pleasure and avoid pain. Whether we acknowledge it or not, the pleasure/pain syndrome is a major part of our psyche (no exception)… So, here we go:
Self-discipline: simply put, self-discipline is the act of doing something to improve oneself in spite of pain and/or inconvenience. That’s the lower level.
Passion is the upper level of enthusiasm, or one might say “boundless enthusiasm” equals passion.
Now, let’s get on with it!
When it comes to the parent/child relationship, especially during the formative years, everything we do and in all areas of life: our joys, sorrows, and successes are related to just three things: Love, Sex, and Money, – I call them the critical three.
Mastering and understanding the critical three will tend to free the parent’s and child’s hearts from hatred. It will also make unnecessary mental anguish about things one cannot change. In addition, it will cause a person to live simply, give more, and expect less. And here is the decisive difference-maker: since the real source of happiness is not material belongings, it will produce awareness that real wealth is the resident of contents inside a person (the core of an individual), not outside (physical appearance). However, also keep in mind, success leaves clues; in other words, a person’s physical appearance might be an indicator of the core of his being.
The secret to mastering the “critical three” is important in the development of discipline. Here is where you enter the picture. Initially, the parent must first impose discipline upon his little “Bundle of Joy;” the goal being to nudge him into developing self-discipline. If the parent imposes this properly, self-discipline will develop quicker and with less complications and anguish than any other method. That is easy to say, but how does a parent do it? Actually, it is also easy to do: just do three big things!
That’s Troy and his mom enjoying life within the “Barrel of fun” of which we speak!
Initially, exactly what you say is not terribly important. However, three things should accompany the words: smile, look the infant in the eyes as you speak, and seek acknowledgement from him: it might be goos, ahs, or just a smile; nevertheless, that makes it a two way proposition.
That’s Logan and I in the bathtub; he was absorbing the words I used even though at that time, he didn’t understand them, they were used simply to reinforce the molding foundation. Needless to say, that was exciting!
However, there is another side to the “talk/listen saga,” it is as important as anything you do as the “leader of the pack.” That is, listen, observe, and act on what your observation, and instincts (your gut reaction) reveal to you.
Those words will aid in providing a path of open expression in later years. No need to say the words “I love you,” but coupled with lots of hugs, kisses, and touches they say “I love you: ‘I’ve got your back.’”
On the other hand, too many hugs, kisses, and touches may be counter-productive. With that in mind the caregiver needs a key that will help advance him to the forward direction. I call it the “Smile Index (SI).” When your Little One stops smiling, you know you are approaching the wrong direction. When that happens, you might want to stop everything and change direction: your gut instinct will direct you. Keep in mind, very few things are carved in stone; however, when the child smiles, it tells you he is feeling security and love. In addition, that feeling provides the opening stage toward independent associations.
Before we advance to the second leg of the “three big things,” one thing is vital and beyond dispute: your Little One is extremely observant. He sees everything around him because to him everything is “new.” Keep in mind, what you say must be consistent with what you do and how you do it, otherwise he will be confused and his progress might be slowed.
For example, if you engage in activities with one or more significant other(s) — husband/wife, boy/girl friend — the treatment of her or him should be consistent with the treatment of your Little One. That’s not to say hugs and kisses should or should not be part of that relationship; however, touching is the foundation of caring: there should be lots of touching (but not too much, just be careful). The handshake is a prime example, even when a person is not known to you, a handshake is an excellent opening. That seems elemental; however, it is very important because to achieve optimum progress from your Little One, she should perceive that life is a “barrel of fun.”
One more thing, let’s just pause and pay strict attention to a phrase we used just a minute ago, “Your little one is extremely observant.” That means he sees your strengths and your weaknesses (all of them!). “Uh, uh! Really?” Yep really. But don’t let that bother you, you can work on your weaknesses and strengthen your strong suit; nevertheless, whatever you do, even if you don’t work on your strengths/weaknesses, “make it happen and make it fun!” (it’s just that the weaker you are, the tougher it will be to assert your success-agenda).
The second leg of the “three big things” is, be prepared to use the ingredients of “tough love” by issuing lots of no’s. This is a portrait of Troy after I said “No.” He got over it!
It is important to note that the parent should not overdo it; however, when you say “no,” your little “Bundle of Joy” must immediately change his behavior. That should not be difficult; however, it can be because when you say “no,” you must have a legitimate answer when the child says “Why not?”
Keep in mind, you hope he feels confident enough in your “no” response to accept it without question. On the other hand, you also want him to be open and confident enough in you to ask, on occasion, “Why not.” Also keep in mind that “Because I said so” is not a legitimate answer. Nevertheless, if you believe or feel that “no” is the correct response to a situation or question, to say “no” is better than to say “yes.” Again, also keep in mind, sometimes it’s in the best interest of both of you to provide a legitimate reason for your “no”- response no later than the next encounter. On the other hand, to just let it lay is usually the best (the same or similar situation will probably raise its head many times).
You might say, “What’s the big deal?” The “big deal” is, if you cannot provide a legitimate answer, the control of your youngster might take a sizable hit, plus it is guaranteed that he will test you again in short order. It might be about something different, but the test is sure to come: your response is crucial. Keep in mind now, the “no” idea is to set the foundation for the development of self- discipline.
More important than that is, there is almost always a question behind the question. “Ah ha! What’s that?” Strange you should ask! The question behind the question is, “Who’s in charge?” The answer behind the answer has to always be, “I am!” (the parent) Keep in mind, there is no need to boast or stick out your chest and declare “You da man,” just make it subtle, matter of fact: that’s the most effective manner to assert your authority (when you use that approach, it can also be disarming to your potential adversaries).
You might say, “This is getting complicated!” Not so, all you need to do is be totally honest! It is important that you don’t bluff your way through any situation or question: if you know the answer to a question, that’s great; on the other hand, if you have doubts or you don’t know the answer, sometimes that might be even better. All you need to do is say, “I don’t know, let’s find out!” Then take him to the library, or a dictionary, or a set of encyclopedias (it might be great if you have a set in your home: you be the judge).
The bottom line is, whenever your Little One asks a question; that time becomes a teachable moment. If you are on-course, there will be no need for you to reinforce the fact that you are in charge; however, if needed, teachable moments are the times to sport the fact that “You da man” (I’ll say it one more time, just to cement it in place: I use the masculine to keep the flow. If you are female, I’m talking to you: just remember, I’m talking to the parent — the caregiver). Either way, teachable moments are precious: you’ll have tons of them, try to recognize and take advantage whenever possible.
That idea highlights the fact that your responsibility as the parent is not to be your child’s friend. You are the guide, protector, and molder of your little “Bundle of Joy:” that comes first. On the other hand, if you perform it properly, you will be the partner of a powerful individual and a life-long friend.
Now, here’s where we place a wrinkle in your tinkle: whenever you say “No” to anyone, including your Little One (even though you are his hero), it causes the mind to begin to snap shut and could produce the beginning of rebellion. Your primary concern should be to avoid being placed in a position that interferes with the content of your (and especially his) “barrel of fun;” in other words (please don’t hate me for this), in spite of what I said about “issuing lots of no’s” (don’t tighten up on me now), almost never, ever say “No.”
There, I’ve said it!
“Issuing lots of “No’s,” and “almost never, ever say “No,” sure seems like a contradiction doesn’t it? Not so! There are two sides to the “No” saga. The side that says “no” is the black/white side; that could exemplify safety, health, behavior, and a host of other issues. That’s the tiny side. The other side is where you need to practice and become proficient with Parent’s Alternate Phrases to “no,” I call them the PAP’s.
When you become proficient with using PAP’s, not only will you become unstoppable in molding your Little One into that little stick of dynamite, you will also maintain that “barrel of fun” of which we speak. For example, your Little One might ask, “Daddy, can I cross the street without holding your hand?” You might say, “No!” (safety issue). On the other hand, you might want to develop a PAP like, “Can a cow see her ass?”
Anyhow, I think you get the idea.
On second thought, in case you don’t get the idea, let me stretch it out for you. During the times you are having loads of fun, practice PAPs with your Little One via “no-games;” in other words, on occasion during a lull in play-time, or any time for that matter, start a game of saying “no.” The way it works: identify a known feature that you know your Little One knows; for example, “Is the fleece on Mary’s little lamb green?” The obvious answer: “Mary had a little lamb, its fleece was white as snow!” Or, “Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water!” The “no-game” might be, “Did Jack and Jill go up the hill to fetch a pail of ice cream?” The obvious answer is “No.”
Ah ha, now you get the idea! Have fun with it as you and your Little One develop your favorite PAPs.
Incidentally, when it comes to developing PAP’s, an entrepreneur named Chris Thompson has developed a technique (available on his website) that is absolutely incredible: it’s easy and it works wonders. In fact, not only will it work wonders with your Little One, the technique will work with everybody you know, including your significant other. The link to his site is… Well, let’s finish the third of the three big things first, then you can tap the link to his site. Just make a note, that way you won’t interfere with the continuity of our effort here. However, don’t forget: I guarantee you’ll be amazed at the effectiveness of the PAP (Chris’) technique!
Third, limit foreign objects: by foreign objects, I mean objects other than those that nature provides. If you refrain from giving your child too many toys, she will be more inclined to develop the inestimably important gift of imagination. I know that, if you can afford it, you probably will be tempted to provide generous numbers of toys. Give it some thought and consider this: experience has proven that children quickly lose interest in most toys. They are more intrigued with things that help them develop and exercise their imagination. Also keep in mind, the toys that your Little One leans toward the most will help you determine the nature of his life-long goals and desires (even when he might not be aware of them himself).
That’s it for the third of the Three Big Things. See, that didn’t take long, did it?
That’s the three big things. If you do them correctly, your Little One will begin to exhibit self-discipline at a much more consistent rate than otherwise. They are important; however, understanding and transferring the foundation of the critical three is essential. Before we attack the core of this site we are going to tackle the critical three, identify them as a package in a general context, wrap that package in a blanket of discipline, and use it as a foundation for the treatment of our “Bridge to Success.”
Even before we do that, I didn’t forget, let me give you the address of Chris Thompson’s website (the PAPs), then you can come back here (we have just begun). Here it is: http://www.talkingtotoddlers.com, (if it doesn’t work, just cut and paste it to your browser).
Before we get into the heart of identifying, and locking the critical three into a secure foundation of the “Bridge to Success,” let me just say: a full relationship with your child requires one thing (and one thing only): a belief in, and a relationship with our Creator. Why? Because our souls hunger for meaning: “Why am I here?” “What is life all about?” “Why should I care?” The Bible and other similar books provide guidance and direction that satisfy that hunger. As a parent, it is essential that you provide your Little One with this saving foundation.
An atheist might say, “nonsense, prove it and I might believe it.” Be that as it may, the fact is, emotion (cousin of spirituality) moves individuals with much greater efficiency and effectiveness than reason. In addition, I have never heard stories of individuals surviving extraordinary challenges, unscathed, except under the umbrella of spiritual belief.
The reason to establish a foundation of spiritual belief is that life is full of change, and change often causes disappointment. None of us will avoid disappointment. Usually it surfaces because things that we think we know, accept, and/or understand, to our consternation, have changed. Our friends will disappoint us, our clergy will disappoint us, even our parents will disappoint us. Disappointments happen not because our associations intend them necessarily, and not because our expectations are unrealistic. The reason is, the nature of life demands that individuals change in response to changing conditions. However, many of us will be devastated when the awful head of that demon (change) appears.
To be more specific: life is full of disappointments, they happen to all of us. The key is not what happens, it’s what we do about what happens. Whether we are weak or strong, the most effective way to handle change is to seek and hold on to something that does not change. The problem with that is, the only thing which does not change is change itself. I know that sounds like a contradiction: it is not, it is reality.
However, there is one exception: everything in this world changes; that is, everything material: everything that can be comprehended by our senses. On the other hand, things that cannot be comprehended by our senses don’t change; perception of them may change, nevertheless, they are unchangeable.
The name for the unchangeable world is called spiritual or supernatural. A person can reach for and grab spiritual powers, and hold on for dear life. Here is one of the keys to internal happiness and serenity: faith is the power that binds our spiritual self to the real world. But faith is not easy to come by because it transcends belief and knowledge. Many convincing believers have dropped by the wayside under the assault of disappointment and change. In other words, faith in something or someone that does not change is the adhesive that binds one’s strength and self-esteem to a foundation that will not waver or disappoint. Notice I said “faith in something or someone,” in other words, the object of a person’s faith must be identifiable and it must be personal.
Please allow me to add just one example of faith: when a person observes his time piece of reference (a clock, wristwatch, or whatever), his subsequent actions are based upon his perception that his timepiece is correct. In other words, whether the time is correct or not is not important; the fact is, his actions are the result of his faith that the time is correct! Now exchange the timepiece with religious faith (Christianity, Islam, Hinduism, Buddhism, you name it): true or not, a person’s actions reveal his faith.
On second thought, I want to add one more thing: within this work, I talk about morality and the goodness of the soul. I also am a believer of a higher power upon whom we can depend to bail us out when we have a problem seeing the forest because of the trees. Can we prove or disprove there is a deity? Only by inference and/or faith. An unnamed so-called comedian/talk-show host stated, (I’m paraphrasing) “To have faith is to refuse to think:” his audience applauded.
I’d just like to respond to that statement. We refuse to think about a ton of things every day of our lives; nevertheless, we can’t see, hear, taste, smell, or feel many of them with our five senses. Does that mean they don’t exist? When it comes to parenting, and molding a child to be the success he was created to be, you’ll be pleased to know, “Bridge to Success” covers the essential formula: I call it the Factor or Five. I could rebut the so-called comedian, but I’ll let you do it. On the other hand, he doesn’t really matter: the success you and your child will achieve will counter anything and everything he believes or refuses to believe.
When I refer to the “Bridge to Success:” I mean you molding your child to be the success he was created to be. The key for you and he is to be totally honest with him and your life, and personalize the technique I reveal on this site. Everything else will fall into place: if you do it right, you and your Little One will have a “barrel of fun,” and a ton of success.
I have placed the foundation of this site right here at the beginning because the real key to success in parenting or any other area of life starts in the heart and mind of the individual. Likewise, the foundation of your heart and mind is your faith: if you do nothing else with your Little One, make it real!
So, without further ado, let’s advance to our review of the critical three! (Love, Sex, and Money): the first of the three is “Love is Timeless.” Please access that section right now.
Just a little note: there is the main theme, plus there is the add-on: “Love is Timeless (Archives).” Access the main theme first. Thank you!