The Silent Spoiler
Before we enter the next leg of our association, there is one element of the parent’s job that must not be overlooked: it is the matter of addressing the devil of emotions. I call it the Silent Spoiler.
To fully arm your Little One with the ammunition to take advantage of the strength provided by erecting a foundation of the critical three, the parent must identify and turn the tables on the Silent Spoiler; namely, FEAR. Even though we know if we couldn’t be afraid, we wouldn’t survive for long; nevertheless, fear is an emotion that can turn the tables on all the positive attributes of ownership of the critical three. For that reason we must attack it with vengeance.
What is this thing called FEAR and what makes it so dangerous? Remember when we said, “creativity of the mind is set into action entirely by how we feel (emotion), not by how we reason (think)?” Well, FEAR can be a disabling emotion
because it can cause paralysis of the senses to the degree that it can immobilize an individual, or at the very least interfere with the desire to act – we call it procrastination. People procrastinate for one reason and one reason only: uncertainty. The foundation of uncertainty is FEAR. So let’s identify this demon and include it in our parenting drills.
The thing to realize and impart to your Little One is that fear is simply a servant of intuition and is intended to be very brief. True, fear is a survival signal that sounds only in the presence of potential danger. It is only a precursor of things that may cause us harm. It summons powerful predictive resources that tell us what might come next. Hence it is the thing that might happen next that we fear; that is, the thing we link to fear, not what is happening at that moment. In other words, fear says something might happen. If it does happen, we stop fearing it and start responding to it: we manage it or surrender to it.
Fear can be an ally; however, in the vast majority of instances, it is a monster negative that moves in delicate ways to destroy all that it touches. On the other hand it does not destroy negatives, on the contrary it feeds them. Immoral acts are monster negatives and worthy allies of fear. The satisfying thing to remember is that there is nothing to fear if we endeavor to put forth the best that is within us one hundred percent of the time.
There is one more thing the parent must understand and identify: when a person is insecure, and is uncertain whether he can live up to what is expected of him, he will respond in one of two ways. He will tell the truth and let the chips fall where they may or he will camouflage it so as to avoid confrontation. When that happens he will make excuses or use violence to cover his perceived inadequacy.
Here is the key that will disable the frightening effects of fear: this is what you, the parent, must impart to your Little One: When a person does what is moral and couples that with producing the best that is within her, there is absolutely nothing to fear, ever.
Keep in mind, we are not talking about things that people normally fear; for example, rats, spiders, snakes, failure, death, etc. Identifying specific objects, thereby developing an understanding of that which we are afraid, goes a long way toward erasing that kind of fear. Any fear is of concern, but in the instance of parenting we are talking about the soul of the person; his love, desire, intuition and the like. On the other hand, we are also talking about the fear of bodily harm, especially one that might originate from another person: that’s one reason participating in some kind of sporting activity is beneficial.
Keep in mind though, your Little One may not enjoy conventional sports, as such, but that’s not a problem, you can pre-engineer his preparedness by gently wrestling with him/her consistently (physically or mentally). Usually, your Little One will look forward to the interaction and as he/she matures, the interplay can get more involved. By the time he is ready to interact with other children, one on one, he will also be prepared to defend himself, if necessary.
Caution: if any action results in your Little One not enjoying it, stop doing it; however, keep in mind, you are his hero, he wants to do whatever is necessary to please you. If you appear to enjoy it, generally he will enjoy it also (he doesn’t know any better). Just keep in mind, your overall parental objective is to bridge the gap between total dependence on someone else, to the undeniable joy of adult independence.
One more thing about fear: teach your Little One to never be afraid to make decisions. Don’t make important decisions casually, however, never be afraid of being wrong. Keep in mind, the quicker we decide, the quicker we will begin reaping the benefits if we are correct. On the other hand, if the decision would amount to unenviable returns, we could quickly identify and adjust the error, and eliminate and/or reduce our loss.
To close out this matter of the Silent Spoiler, it might bode us well to quote from noted figures in history. One of the most practical quotes of all time was made by former president Franklin Roosevelt (FDR), when after “The Great Depression,” he said: “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” Another quote comes from the British orator and statesman, Edmund Burke, he said, “No passion so effectually robs the mind of all its power of acting and reasoning as fear.” Enough said.
The final element among our Factor of Five, is the final strike of parent preparedness and essential mindset. Please continue by accessing,