The Silent Spoiler (FEAR)
I call FEAR the “Silent Spoiler” because it interferes with the success the parent’s positive mindset and active participation produces. As noted previously, the three essentials of success are identified as, Love, Money, and Sex. Let’s take a look at the “Silent Spoiler” and delve into the means of insulating those essentials from their enemy.
Primarily, FEAR eminates from one thing and and one thing only: insecurity. Insecurity is generally the result of lack of facts and refusal to deal with reality. Now, before we continue let’s give at least one example of a secure individual. You may think it tough, but I’ve got a good one (on second thought, you might disagree, but let’s give it a shot anyhow): a secure man is one who, even though he has a bald head and a beer gut, walks the neighborhood streets because he thinks he’s sexy. That man has no FEAR! We just finished saying, “FEAR eminates from one thing and …:” Never mind.
Let’s take our essentials one at a time. Love: what is the nature of FEAR when love is involved? The very first thing we must do is identify what love is: we did that when we talked about “Love is Timeless.”
Keep in mind, we’re not talking about eternal love, that’ll not change; which means, anything we do has no effect on it. However, we can utilize the effects of eternal love by understanding its link to us mortals.
Just to recap, we said “life is full of disappointments, they happen to all of us. The key is not what happens, it’s what we do about what happens. Whether we are weak or strong, the most effective way to handle change is to seek and hold on to something that does not change. The problem with that is, the only thing which does not change is (the bald head man with the gut: No, no. no you idiot, it’s… never mind)… It’s change itself. I know that sounds contradictory: it is not, it is reality. There is one exception: everything in this world changes; that is, everything material: everything that can be comprehended by our senses. However, things that cannot be comprehended by the senses do not change; perception of them may change, nevertheless, they are unchangeable.
“The name for the unchangeable world is called spiritual or supernatural. A person can reach for and grab spiritual powers, and hold on for dear life. Here is one word, and one of the keys to internal happiness and serenity: faith. It is the power that binds our spiritual self to the real world. But faith is not easy to come by because it transcends belief and knowledge. Many convincing believers have dropped by the wayside under the assault of disappointment and change. In other words, faith in something or someone that does not change is the adhesive that binds one’s love and self-esteem to a foundation that will not waver or disappoint. Notice I said ‘faith in something or someone,’ in other words, the object of a person’s faith must be identifiable and it must be personal.”
That’s what makes the Christian religion so powerful, the founder is Jesus Christ. He was just like the rest of us, he felt the pain and agony of humanity. According to Christians, Jesus Christ died a painful death, as painful as one might imagine. They (Christians) are convinced that he is man’s savior; in other words, he saves us from the personal destruction evil produces and is the path to everlasting life: a life of painless immortality. Individuals can relate to Jesus Christ and make him their personal vehicle to immortality because he was just like the rest of us. Christians believe the difference is that he is the son of God and only through him may individuals gain immortality in a place they (Christians) call heaven. Proponents say there is no doubt that Christianity is the only true religion.
If you are Christian, your faith causes your actions to behave in a manner that says it’s true. If you’re not, the essense of the technique of Bridge to Success does not change. That’s the beauty of the methodology.
True or not, there is no doubt the foundation of Christianity is Love. It is sometimes easier to note what an individual should not do, as opposed to trying to decipher what a person should do. Christianity does that and labels it, “The Ten Commamdments.” Jesus Christ sums it up in a positive manner by saying, there is only one God, and “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, all thy soul, all thy mind, and all thy strength: this is the first commandment. There is only one other, namely this: thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. There is no other commandment greater than these.”(Mark 12:31, 32, 33). In other words, if we take Jesus’ two commandments as a given, the “Thou shalt not” of “The Ten Commandments” will naturally follow; notice, I said naturally, in still other words, there is no need to strain to make it happen.
That is relevant to eternal love, now let’s relate that to mortal (physical) love — that’s the one that changing conditions can effect a person’s mindset and, as a result, a person’s actions.
It might appear that I’ve gotten away from unearthing the ease of avoiding the “Silent Spoiler,” such is not the case, it’s just that “Spoilers” ooze in when one least expects it: nevertheless, they have no effect on immortal love. However, If we do it correctly, we can provide a solid foundation for mortal love that will last a lifetime. That’s what we want for you and your little “Bundle of Joy.”
Now, where were we? We were talking about reasons that fear may invade the love mindset, and how you can prepare your Little One to avoid the “Silent Spoiler.”
Primarily, the problem appears when love may change as conditions change. That’s the one we identified as FEAR. Fear comes in all sizes and shapes. the first one is fear that the other person will not return his love. The key here is to always be honest, communicate (don’t just use words, actually communicate), and be yourself. A person will love you, not who you would like to be. The strange thing is, if she loves you, she will attempt to help you become that other person you think you would like to be (that’s wierd, isn’t it?). Just be honest and everything will work itself out.
Another reason for invasion of the Silent Spoiler could be, a person might think his love will take unfair advantage of him if she knows he loves her: she may meet someone else that turns her on more than he does. Other fears could be personal appearance issues (I’m bald, I’ve got a bear gut), health issues (I smoke too much, that cough is annoying), personal belief issues (political, religious, sporting): they all stem from insecurity, and all of them can be eliminated (that’s right, Silent Spoilers can remain silent and fail to spoil your pursuit of happiness), if you provide your Little One with a solid foundation.
All you need to do is guide your Little One to, be honest, be himself, and communicate.
From your point of view, love concerns can be resolved by the simple means of communicating, coupled with observation. That’s why talking to your Little One is so important. As we said before, at first, it doesn’t matter what you say, just talk a lot, but you want your Little One to respond. It could be goos, ahs, giggles, it doesn’t really matter, but you want him to respond. As he begins to understand words, what you say becomes increasingly more important because words mean things. So be careful. The key is not what you say, it’s what happens as a result of what you say, mingled with what you do. What you say and what you do should be, must be, consistent. If not, you’ll lose a sizable chunk of discipline to your Little One’s mindset..
Remember, the key ingredient in the “Bridge to Success” is discipline blanketed with Love. The objective is to mold him into a missile of self-discipline: that’s the tough part. Remember, for every “no” there’s a reason, be sure your Little One understands the “Why not:” when you add the easy parts of love, respect, and fun, you’ve got yourself a new world. Congratulations (in advance)!